ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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