you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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