seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
