I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
