You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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