if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
