your parents love me but you hate me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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