Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Never underestimate the power of titties
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