So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize