She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
