We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
