I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
