if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize