sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize