I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
