Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
