you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
