1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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