If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
