Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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