Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
