i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
