I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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