Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
