Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
