it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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