I just gift wrapped bread.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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