i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
