i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
