i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
