she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
