I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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