its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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