Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
