I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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