I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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