Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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