I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Welp...herpes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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