I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
