I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Holy sore nipples Batman
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
