I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
