I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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