im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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