Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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