Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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