help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ketchup is God's man juice
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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