The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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