Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
