That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
