sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
