Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
