im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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