Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
