you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
