worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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