I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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