Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
