I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
