You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
