I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
