In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
