I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
