She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
