my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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