You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
