it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
