I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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