I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
