the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
