my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
