Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my being single is dangerous.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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