the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
