Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
