So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
