So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
