love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
