Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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