I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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