he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Small penises have feelings too.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
