what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
