Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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