i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
